Bloggers Remorse

Sometimes I question what I am doing here. I have an internal fear about blogging: I worry that my blog will be …lame. I don’t usually worry about over-sharing personal things, but I do worry about sharing lame things.

You see, I can be totally cheesy and sentimental and ridiculous. I can become hyper-focused on a moment or mistake, and I don’t want that awkwardness to cloud my blogging voice the way angry emotional ranting took over xanga in 2005. So at times, I look at my blogs and feel embarrassed.

I mean, what is this blog anyway? I’m not really sure. As with all other parts of my life right now, I am unclear about this web space’s identity.

Is it the intersection of things I care about, or is it really just a confusing hodge-podge of feelings and opinions that is mostly confusing and sometimes contradictory? And is it okay to share my process of understanding this world (question, answer, re-try answer, struggle with traditional faith-based approach, rebel a little and settle into a comfortable unknown)? Would it be better for me (professionally? personally?) to keep the process to myself so I seem smarter and surefooted?

Maybe. And I’m thinking about these and other things. Memoirs and journals usually have some revelation at the end, but this life isn’t even close to its climax and catharsis yet. I think maybe, at least to me, the process of living is interesting because it is so messy.

And sometimes when you are reading those early chapters of the great stories, you can see layers of providence preparing the way for the resolution, like grating the dirt before laying the stones. That is my hope for this space: that looking back we can see the gentle (sometimes brutal) preparations being made.

And just in case that doesn’t work, I’ll also throw in some juicy tidbits from this ironic, beautiful life.

•••

Leo and I are living it up Little House style this week, without power, a refrigerator, or air conditioning. We are overwhelmingly thankful for our generous friends who have taken exceedingly good care of us. We are prayerful for the families of our 13+ DMV neighbors who died in the storm and it’s aftermath. Please pray with us.

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